I promised myself I would never, ever hang out again on a weekday. It was a Friday and I was feeling the after effects of hanging out Thursday night at the strip club. I was elated I was finally off work and on my way home. I opted to take the local train all the way uptown, so I was guaranteed a seat. I got the two-seater by the conductor’s door. I swear, as soon as I sat down, my eyes closed. It was as if they were on auto-pilot.
Have you ever felt someone staring at you? Well I felt like a hole was being burnt in me. When I opened my eyes, I swear I saw the prettiest lady in the universe. I’m talking shorty was a dime. Spanish mammita. Long black hair, hazel eyes, and her body was boom boom bam. Shorty had all the right curves. Not only was shorty sexy, she was fly from head to toe. She had on a Louis Vuitton blouse with Balmain jeans and red-bottom heels. She was wearing more jewelry than Mr. T. I’m talking icy earrings and a ring on every finger. Around her neck were a couple of fat ass Cuban link chains. Shorty was the bomb.
Me being the gentleman that I am, I slid over and asked honey if she would like to sit down. I thought she would say no because I was dusty and dirty from work. I work construction. I told shorty, “Please excuse me, I’m a little dusty.”
She said, “I don’t mind at all. I just love a man who works hard for his money.”
As she turned to sit, I just had to shake my head because shorty had back! I thought to myself, well there goes my chance to catch a nap on my way home.
I asked her name and she said “Angel.” She worked at Merrill Lynch and lived in the Bronx. I gave her my name and also informed her I was single and lived in the Bronx as well. We kicked it and I could feel shorty was liking the kid. I looked up and we were at 125th Street already. Time does fly when you’re having fun.
People got off and on the train. That’s when I noticed the two punks checking me and Angel out. I knew they were up to no good, so I told Angel, “Don’t look now, but over by the door, there’s two punks scheming on us. Don’t worry, I got your back. I’m not going to let these villains do you no harm.”
I asked her what stop she was getting off at and she said, “Parkchester.”
I said “cool,” because it was only one stop away from me, and I could take a cab from there. “If these villains happen to get off with you, I will escort you home. I know these punks won’t try nothing if I’m with you.”
Sure enough, her stop came and when she went to get up to exit the train, the two villains also got up. That’s when I proceeded to get up and exit the train with Angel. The two punks saw this and I could tell they were disappointed.
I walked Angel all the way to her building and just like I thought, the punks got lost. She thanked me with a kiss on my cheek and proclaimed that I was her hero.
She asked if I smoked weed and I said “why of course.” She then invited me upstairs so I could smoke and said I deserved a nice home-cooked meal. I said sure. It was my lucky day.
We proceeded to enter the building, and I followed like a lucky puppy.
We got to her apartment and Angel was definitely into interior design, because her spot was laced. She told me to make myself comfortable, there was beer in the fridge, and the remote was on the coffee table. She was going to change into something more comfortable.
I went and got a Heineken out the fridge and put on ESPN. That’s when I heard the shower turn on. I said to myself, “Shorty comfortable, leaving me out here.”
Twenty minutes went by and Angel called me. She asked me if I could pass her a towel out the linen closet. Me being the gentleman that I am, I passed her the towel while turning my head. I then went back to my second beer and Sports Center. That’s when Angel came out with the towel wrapped around her hair and nothing else on. I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was bad.
She motioned me with her finger to follow her, saying “Come, my hero.”
That’s when my clothes started flying off me. I swear I must have broken the speed record for getting undressed. Shoes, socks, and my shirt were flying everywhere.
By the time I left the living room, I was down to my boxers. When I got to Angel’s room, she was on the bed, ass up and head down. I proceeded to get in position and open the Magnum wrapper.
That’s when I felt it. It was light at first, then the second time it was harder. A tap on my shoulder. Then that’s when I heard it, “Last stop, last stop!”
It was the conductor. I fell asleep.
I told you I was tired.
I’m still looking for my Angel.